LOVEzology

Going Solo On Valentine's Day???

2009-02-12T11:08:00.000-08:00

Uh-oh. Just when you thought you’d gotten through New Year’s Eve unscathed, here comes another doozie of a holiday for singles: Valentine’s Day. For the uncoupled, the dreaded fourteenth day of February can be a pink-ribbon-and-teddy-bear-wrapped reminder (as if we needed one!) that we’ll be getting the entire bed to ourselves that night (again). Add to that the mall windows filled with heart-shaped balloons and the bombardment of ads from florists to jewelers, and Valentine’s Day can make you feel like you’re the only one who forgot to board Noah’s ark.

Well, take heart (so to speak): You are not alone. In fact, there are millions of other singles out there, each with his or her own strategy for getting through what might seem like the most unromantic day of the year—and maybe even having some fun. Here, some tactics to consider:

Denial:
Denial may not be the smartest coping mechanism during the rest of the year (“Just because I found lipstick on his collar doesn’t mean he’s cheating, right?”), but on Valentine’s Day, it helps my single friends Gil and Heather. Gil says that by making fun of the holiday — “It’s a Hallmark invention” or “It’s a Pagan ritual” — he convinces himself that the day doesn’t have much true meaning. My friend Heather takes denial a step further. “They say loving yourself first is an important step to finding someone,” she explained. “It sounds cheesy, but one year friends and I got together for dinner to celebrate ourselves. We talked about the accomplishments we’d enjoyed since the last Valentine’s Day. Even if they were small things like new places we’d been, new foods we’d tried—anything that acknowledged that we’d grown in some way.” The result? “It was inspiring to take time to see what we have instead of what we’re missing. But I realize this also could be considered denial!”

Cruise for dates:
Instead of pining away for a Valentine, my friend Marcelo decided to go out and find one. “One Valentine’s Day when I was single and lonely,” he said, “I went to the local Rite Aid to buy some sundries. I started talking to a cute girl who was also shopping. I figured, hey, she must be single if she’s shopping alone on Valentine’s Day. I asked her if she wanted to have dinner, since neither of us seemed to be busy that night, and she said yes.” Although it didn’t lead to a relationship, they had a nice time and wound up going out on a couple more dates. “Point is,” Marcelo said, “if you go out on Valentine’s Day and see a single person doing something incredibly mundane, then there is a good chance that person doesn’t have a significant other. The odds are markedly improved that if you ask the person for coffee or a drink, the answer will be yes.”

Pursue the impossible:
A few years ago, when my friend Gil was hopelessly enamored of a neighbor whom he knew didn’t return his affection, he decided to ask her out anyway: “I got her this giant rose, in a box, wrapped in the biggest bow ever made, and invited her for dinner,” he said. And, it turns out, she accepted his offer. “Nothing ever came of that or many other gestures,” he admitted, sheepishly. But at least he got to spend the holiday with the woman of his dreams.

Help others:
Sure, it’s easy to focus inward on our own romantic emptiness, but my friend Heather thinks reaching out should apply to Valentine’s Day as well. “On Thanksgiving, people go out of their way to make sure everyone has somewhere to go,” she said. “Why don’t we do that on Valentine’s Day, when we really need it? I want soup kitchens to hand out free pieces of pumpkin pie to single people on Valentine’s Day.” Well, perhaps not that exact idea, but giving those who’d appreciate it: Why not volunteer to do something nice for other people so that they feel loved—even if you don’t?

Revel:
Two years ago, Bonnie decided to start a tradition of hosting a party attended only by her single friends. Not only is it a great opportunity to meet someone, but embracing the day feels empowering. My single friend Amy said that although she’d like to be coupled with the right person on Valentine’s Day, after spending the holiday with Mr. Wrong a few years ago, now she revels in being single rather than being with just anyone. “We had a very uncomfortable expensive romantic dinner,” she said of the guy she’d been dating. They broke up a week later. “I was so unhappy that Valentine’s Day, I remember thinking that it’s better to be single and happy than with someone just for the sake of being with someone,” she said.

Wear it on your sleeve:
“I always wore red on Valentine's Day to show that I was embracing the holiday even though I was single,” said my friend Carolyn, who has since met and married her Valentine. “I thought that might save me from any ‘poor, pitiful single you’ comments and prevent anyone from tiptoeing around me that day fearing that I was feeling blue.” And it worked, Carolyn said: “How can anyone surmise that you’re feeling blue if you’re decked out in red?”

Be your own valentine:
Another friend took matters into her own hands. “I always bought myself something absolutely lovely, like a thick cashmere sweater or a great beaded bracelet,” she said. “I have always been of the mindset that I love me and deserve to proclaim it to myself on February 14th, rather than to feel bad that someone else hasn't quite realized yet how terrific I am.”

The bottom line?
Whatever strategy you choose, remember that Valentine’s Day isn’t all it’s cracked up to be anyway. Even if you have a Valentine (and especially if you’ve been together long enough that you’ve stopped closing the bathroom door), celebrating romance on a specific day each year tends to lose its luster. So just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re missing much. Oh, wait, that must be my denial kicking in.

(source: Lori Gottlieb, a commentator for NPR, is the coauthor of I Love You, Nice to Meet You: A Guy and A Girl Give the Lowdown on Coupling Up. Her site is www.lorigottlieb.com.)

Valentines Day Top 5 Dinner And A Movie Combo

2009-02-11T12:00:00.000-08:00

DINNER & A MOVIE IDEAS
• The Notebook
Chicken Avocado Melt
• P.S. I Love You
Beer Battered Shrimp
• No Reservations
Caramelized Onions and Beef Stew
• Hairspray
All American Pot Roast
• Music & Lyrics
Angel Hair Pasta

Valentines Day Top 10 Romantic Gifts

2009-02-11T11:59:00.000-08:00

TOP 10 ROMANTIC GIFTS
• Chocolate
• Flowers
• Sexy Pics of You
• Pillowcase Messages
• The Gift of Time
• 10 Reasons I Love You
• Love Coupons
• Love Rocks
• A Love Poem
• A Love Letter

Valentines Day Top 10 Date Night Ideas

2009-02-11T11:57:00.000-08:00

TOP 10 DATE NIGHT IDEAS
• Massage Night
• Moonlit Snowshoe Tour
• Baking for Two
• Around the World
• Your Favorite Decade
• Breakfast in Bed
• Dessert Date
• Bookstore Romance
• Bowling for Two
• T-Shirt Decorating

Top 100 Most Romantic Films

2009-02-11T11:48:00.000-08:00

Okay...Valentines Day is almost here...below is a list of the AFI's 100 most romantic movies...so get out the popcorn and pick a flick to watch with your significant other and enjoy:

Rank	Title	Year	Actors
1	Casablanca	1942	Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman
2	Gone with the Wind	1939	Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh, Leslie Howard and Olivia de Havilland
3	West Side Story	1961	Richard Beymer and Natalie Wood
4	Roman Holiday	1953	Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn
5	An Affair to Remember	1957	Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr
6	The Way We Were	1973	Robert Redford and Barbra Streisand
7	Doctor Zhivago	1965	Omar Sharif and Julie Christie
8	It's a Wonderful Life	1946	James Stewart and Donna Reed
9	Love Story	1970	Ryan O'Neal and Ali MacGraw
10	City Lights	1931	Charles Chaplin and Virginia Cherrill
11	Annie Hall	1977	Woody Allen and Diane Keaton
12	My Fair Lady	1964	Rex Harrison and Audrey Hepburn
13	Out of Africa	1985	Meryl Streep and Robert Redford
14	The African Queen	1951	Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn
15	Wuthering Heights	1939	Merle Oberon, Laurence Olivier
16	Singin' in the Rain	1952	Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds
17	Moonstruck	1987	Cher and Nicolas Cage
18	Vertigo	1958	James Stewart and Kim Novak
19	Ghost	1990	Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore
20	From Here to Eternity	1953	Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr
21	Pretty Woman	1990	Julia Roberts and Richard Gere
22	On Golden Pond	1981	Henry Fonda and Katharine Hepburn
23	Now, Voyager	1942	Bette Davis and Paul Henreid
24	King Kong	1933	The ape and Fay Wray
25	When Harry Met Sally...	1989	Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan
26	The Lady Eve	1941	Henry Fonda and Barbara Stanwyck
27	The Sound of Music	1965	Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer
28	The Shop Around the Corner	1940	James Stewart and Margaret Sullivan
29	An Officer and a Gentleman	1982	Richard Gere and Debra Winger
30	Swing Time	1936	Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers
31	The King and I	1956	Deborah Kerr and Yul Brynner
32	Dark Victory	1939	Bette Davis and George Brent
33	Camille	1936	Robert Taylor and Greta Garbo
34	Beauty and the Beast	1991	Paige O'Hara and Robby Benson (voice actors)
35	Gigi	1958	Leslie Caron and Louis Jourdan
36	Random Harvest	1942	Greer Garson and Ronald Colman
37	Titanic	1997	Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet
38	It Happened One Night	1934	Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert
39	An American in Paris	1951	Gene Kelly and Leslie Caron
40	Ninotchka	1939	Greta Garbo and Melvyn Douglas
41	Funny Girl	1968	Barbra Streisand and Omar Sharif
42	Anna Karenina	1935	Greta Garbo and Fredric March
43	A Star Is Born	1954	Judy Garland and James Mason
44	The Philadelphia Story	1940	Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn
45	Sleepless in Seattle	1993	Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan
46	To Catch a Thief	1955	Cary Grant and Grace Kelly
47	Splendor in the Grass	1961	Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty
48	Last Tango in Paris	1973	Marlon Brando and Maria Schneider
49	The Postman Always Rings Twice	1946	Lana Turner and John Garfield
50	Shakespeare in Love	1998	Gwyneth Paltrow and Joseph Fiennes
51	Bringing Up Baby	1938	Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn
52	The Graduate	1967	Dustin Hoffman, Anne Bancroft, Katharine Ross
53	A Place in the Sun	1951	Montgomery Clift, Elizabeth Taylor, Shelley Winters
54	Sabrina	1954	Audrey Hepburn, Humphrey Bogart, William Holden
55	Reds	1981	Warren Beatty and Diane Keaton
56	The English Patient	1996	Ralph Fiennes and Kristin Scott Thomas
57	Two for the Road	1967	Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney
58	Guess Who's Coming to Dinner	1967	Sidney Poitier and Katharine Houghton, Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy
59	Picnic	1955	William Holden and Kim Novak
60	To Have and Have Not	1944	Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall
61	Breakfast at Tiffany's	1961	Audrey Hepburn and George Peppard
62	The Apartment	1960	Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine
63	Sunrise	1927	Janet Gaynor and George O'Brien
64	Marty	1955	Ernest Borgnine and Betsy Blair
65	Bonnie and Clyde	1967	Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway
66	Manhattan	1979	Woody Allen and Diane Keaton
67	A Streetcar Named Desire	1951	Marlon Brando and Vivien Leigh
68	What's Up, Doc?	1972	Barbra Streisand and Ryan O'Neal
69	Harold and Maude	1971	Bud Cort and Ruth Gordon
70	Sense and Sensibility	1995	Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Kate Winslet, Hugh Grant
71	Way Down East	1920	Lillian Gish, Richard Barthelmess
72	Roxanne	1987	Steve Martin and Daryl Hannah
73	The Ghost and Mrs. Muir	1947	Rex Harrison and Gene Tierney
74	Woman of the Year	1942	Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy
75	The American President	1995	Michael Douglas and Annette Bening
76	The Quiet Man	1952	John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara
77	The Awful Truth	1937	Irene Dunne and Cary Grant
78	Coming Home	1978	Jane Fonda and Jon Voight
79	Jezebel	1938	Bette Davis and Henry Fonda
80	The Sheik	1921	Rudolph Valentino and Agnes Ayres
81	The Goodbye Girl	1977	Richard Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason
82	Witness	1985	Harrison Ford and Kelly McGillis
83	Morocco	1930	Marlene Dietrich and Gary Cooper
84	Double Indemnity	1944	Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck
85	Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing	1955	William Holden and Jennifer Jones
86	Notorious	1946	Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman
87	The Unbearable Lightness of Being	1988	Daniel Day-Lewis, Juliette Binoche and Lena Olin
88	The Princess Bride	1987	Cary Elwes and Robin Wright Penn
89	Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?	1966	Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton
90	The Bridges of Madison County	1995	Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep
91	Working Girl	1988	Melanie Griffith and Harrison Ford
92	Porgy and Bess	1959	Sidney Poitier, Dorothy Dandridge
93	Dirty Dancing	1987	Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey
94	Body Heat	1981	William Hurt and Kathleen Turner
95	Lady and the Tramp	1955	Barbara Luddy & Larry Roberts (voice actors)
96	Barefoot in the Park	1967	Jane Fonda and Robert Redford
97	Grease	1978	John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John
98	The Hunchback of Notre Dame	1939	Charles Laughton, Maureen O'Hara, and Edmund O'Brien
99	Pillow Talk	1959	Rock Hudson and Doris Day
100	Jerry Maguire	1996	Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger

All I Want For Christmas Is You

2008-12-24T21:15:00.000-08:00

This is the best Christmas oh-I-don't-have-the-person-I-want-but-wouldn't-it-be-great-if-they-wrapped-themselves-up-and-waited-for-me-underneath-my-tree song...maybe next year, eh?

Too Much Coffee Man's "I Like A Girl" Fate Tree

2008-12-06T01:55:00.001-08:00

Wonder How Many Relationships Go Like This?

2008-11-27T23:10:00.001-08:00

In the beginning was joyfulness and delight...

And at the ending was sadness and flight...

So now you look for another to walk with you and you go with him through what's left of this life's fast-fading light...

Reversed Roles...I Guess Its MY Misfortune

2008-11-27T22:04:00.000-08:00

...to have loved you...eh?

Love Is The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of

2008-11-27T21:31:00.000-08:00

Love...when it happens to you, you're not sure that's what it is, then when you finally figure it out, it can come or go in an instant...and it all seems like it was just a dream...when you find it, or when you lose it...right?